CBeebies: Just some thoughts

Rory requests some early morning face time today, followed by a trip to Bar Moloko and an outfit change.  After an ongoing disagreement over whether a nap now or later would be best, Rory says he'll just run the idea up the flagpole and see if anyone salutes.  Bouncy chair and colourful daytime TV it is, then.

CBeebies

In the past couple of months or so I have come to discover the wonderful world of CBeebies.  I used to put the channel on for visiting friends' little ones, however for the first time I have actually had time to watch some of the shows properly.  And on particularly frought days I have found it to be "mother's best friend".  Some of the shows are just weird and wonderful but they never fail to turn little frowns upside down.

Here are my impressions of just some of them:

Come Outside

Auntie Mabel is a mature widow who drinks to forget, her sole companion being her trusty terrier Pippin.  During these binges Auntie Mabel imagines she owns a polkadot covered plane in which she and Pippin fly to such places as Seville to pick oranges, or Morrisons to do her weekly shop.  In reality she is banned from the local Morrisons for being drunk and disorderly and so needs the mysterious Edie to pick up her messages for her instead.  

Grandpa in My Pocket

Spoiled brat Jason lives in beach house with Monsoon-dress-wearing mother and magical grandpa, who possesses a unique talent for shrinking himself using a 'magical shrinking cap'.  He then runs about like a not even pint-sized loon, flying model planes and hiding behind jars.  I find myself wanting to chase Grandpa with a view to stepping on him when he does this.  I do not know why.

 

Mr Bloom's Nursery

Borderline hot younger man dresses up as fusty older man - a la Mellors from Lady Chatterley's Lover - complete with bad wig and exaggerated Northern accent.  Shakes maracas and keeps his garden gate constantly open in order to lure small children, creepily named "tiddlers", into his nursery.  Claims that "with his veg and plants he can sing and dance" and so sings to his vegetables, which include a misbehaving family of radishes called the Cheeky Wee MacGregors.  Occasionally Mr. Bloom takes his hat off.  Swoon.

In The Night Garden

Collection of sinister characters with names straight out of some acid-enabled nightmare:  Iggle Piggle, Makka Pakka and The Tombliboos.  Oh, and Upsy Daisy, an annoying dreadlocked rag doll upstart who often screeches into a megaphone for no apparent reason.  I would quite like to pinch Upsy Daisy when no-one is looking.  

How much fun it must be devising and producing these TV gems!  I used to imagine the CBeebies Unit at the BBC as some enchanted, primary-coloured, soft play paradise.  After some consideration I now think all the walls are padded and the meals are terrible.  

Stuff kids TV - perhaps I should start writing children's books.  Maybe then I would be able to keep the house in Scotland and buy, say, a $10,000,000 Tasmanian mansion.